please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
