remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
