Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
