You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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