I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
