Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
