Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
