ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
