She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
