Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I had to cum in my sink.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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