be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
