if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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