Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
