I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
