Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
