The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
