Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
