bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize