Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
