We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
