Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
