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He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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