it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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