At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
