You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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