the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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