i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
