i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
