CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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