so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
