come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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