someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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