on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
