every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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