remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
