You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
