we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
