My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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