david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
