Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
