even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
