grandma shit on top of the toilet
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
