I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
