im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
