And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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