the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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