like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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