ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
