at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
