Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
