Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
