mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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