I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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