I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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