i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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