so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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