I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
